The Longest Yard Mickey Rourke

The Longest Yard

Mickey Rourke and Megan Fox star in this ridiculous pile of dross, a dismal fantasy drama which came out on Blu-Ray last month. When Passion Play screened at TIFF, movie critics were practically fleeing the theater en mass. Now I understand why. That Rourke would be a part of this film is a mystery, but then again, he has a habit of making random career decisions. The bigger mystery is that comedic genius Bill Murray would take on a co-starring role and actually deliver his cringe-worthy lines with a straight face. Megan Fox rounds out a small cast, and her lousy acting is hardly noticeable given the general crapitude of the film. Mitch Glazer is responsible for this cinematic disaster. Better known as the scribe behind some solid movie hits like 1988s Scrooged which starred Murray, The Recruit and modernized classic Great Expectations, Passion Play was Glazers directorial debut. He also wrote the script, and no doubt his intimacy The Longest Yard the project led to some short-sightedness. At least, thats the kindest version of events I can guess at. The truth is that the script is terrible, the story ridiculous, the dialogue stagnant, and the long interludes of slow jazz both tedious and dated. Hamburger-faced Rourke plays Nate, a down-on-his-luck jazz trumpet player who works in a seedy club owned by a sinister gangster named Happy Murray. Nates life is in forfeit after he sleeps with the boss wife, and hes taken into the desert to be killed execution style. Strangely, a gang of white-robed Indians run in and shoot Nates executioner, then promptly run away without any explanation. Nate wanders through the desert looking for a payphone and comes across a carnival complete with a freak show and a charismatic carny named Sam Rhys Ifans. Drawn to the sideshow, Nate wanders through its many oddities until he comes to a sight that holds him mesmerized. An angel stands behind the glass, a beautiful woman with real angel wings named Lily Fox; a sad captive who is used to being put on display. Nate follows Lily to her trailer, and against all odds the sexy freak with wings lets him in. Not only that, she ends up running away with him. Nate sees an opportunity to The Longest Yard his life back and make a little money by offering his new-found angel to Happy in trade for his life and a cut of the proceeds. Of course he falls in love with Lily along the way, as the two bond over being freakish outsiders. Im not sure what aspect of this film to start complaining about first. Theres the cheap look and feel of it, due in large part to ample use of green screen backgrounds and staged settings. During the desert scenes, you can practically make out the Styrofoam boulders. Then theres the incredibly poor CGI. Lilys wings are completely computer generated, and its not only obvious but also distracting. The effects quality is on par with made-for-TV-movie effects, from the amateurish animation to Lilys flying scenes. The wires are practically visible, and theres no way in hell even a 3-year-old would think she was actually flying through the air. Every time she flew I couldn t help but to laugh hysterically. Next, lets discuss casting. Rourke looks the part of a loser jazz bum and then some. His face looks like a rubber mask held too close to the fire, and yet his character is getting laid left and right. Not only that, but we are supposed to believe that the rabidly hot Fox, as Lily, is not only attracted to him but sexually aroused. I cringed during their awkward sex scene yes, there was one, all bare skin and wings. It was next to impossible to accept the Rourke/Fox pairing.